The Looper

Entries from December 2007

Pats will fail

30 December, 2007 · 6 Comments

I know I am completely alone on the Looper staff when I say this, but after going 16-0 not only will the Patriots not win the Super Bowl but they will not make it to the big game.

Maybe it is from watching them intently over the second half of the season or just having a gut feeling that good things do not come to bad people (Billy I am talking to you).

Whether it be the Chargers, my personal choice the Jags, or the hated Colts, someone is going to knock these SOBs off their high horse when it matters most.

I will give them the 16-0 (and say congrats. prost. salud. cheers.) but I also know they will be remembered as the team that lost when it really mattered.

Categories: The Windy City Word
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TREATS! The Looper’s Top Videos of 2007

27 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

It’s been a while but your faithful Looper is back! And bearing gifts for thee, two days late and many dollars short… But, for your viewing pleasure, here are my picks for some of the best sports-related online video clips of 2007.

My sleigh got bogged down somewhere around Hubbardton, Vermont, but here, at last, are some holiday treats: the top 5 videos of 2007 and some very honorable mentions.

By all means, enjoy…

HONORABLE MENTION

  • The Landlord –– Will Ferrell and possibly the funniest toddler ever team up for what might be the most viewed –– though not sports related –– video of the year.
  • March Madness –– UVM’s Marqus Blakely provides possibly the best dunk Patrick Gym has ever seen.
  • Dude, are you OK? –– Vermont Cynic editor Connor Boals runs into a tree with his mountain bike.
  • 15 laterals later… –– The Play of the Year, Trinity University pulls off possibly the crazies game winning play ever.
  • He’s only 13 –– A young Canadian with some INCREDIBLE hockey skills, makes you feel like you were a waste at age 13, right?
  • Dominik Hasek stacks the pads –– Hasek come out of the goal to block a shot and sends Marian Gaborik flying.

THE TOP 5 OF 2007

5. Mississippi Braves manager loses it… “Grenade!” … and by grenade I mean rosin bag.

4. Pete Lenes goes fishing. In a tandem video offering, one of the UVM men’s hockey team’s best forwards catches a lunker, a real nice baaaaaass. Lenes stars in the first video and provides narration/camera work for the second. After fishing where do we go? I think it’s time to go to da rink.

3. Getting for his movie, Blades of Glory, Will Ferrell sits down with Kenny Mayne during this priceless Sportscenter Sunday Conversation. Holy Tornado!

2. The controversial NFL Network may have put together the funniest commercial series in a long time. The boys in Joe’s Diner provide some insight into Peyton Manning’s forays with audibles ["I'm available for pahhhttttties. Call my agent!"] and as a bonus offering, contemplate a hypothetical beauty contest between Tom Brady and Carson Palmer ["The guy's amazing looking."].

1. Don’t need to say much here. He’s a man! He’s 40! He’s Oklahoma State’s Mike Gundy.

Categories: Notes from the Caddyshack
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bon voyage Skiles

25 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

I liked Scott Skiles but I know much of Chicagoland is celebrating the long awaited axing by John Paxson.

I thought he did a great job and had a great attitude with most of the young players, that is until this season.

Sure every season the Bulls looked like snails coming out of the gate, but it is all about the end results and you cannot argue with three consecutive playoff births and last seasons sweep of the defending champion Heat.

But then this season Da Bulls are off to a horrendous 9-16 start and look terrible in every aspect of the game especially those on which the Bulls have predicated their recent success: defense and energy.

When a team is flat game after game after game there is something wrong at the top and it was time for Skiles to take the fall for this one.

But now all the weight falls on the players to perform and Paxson to further shake up the team.

He has never been able to pull the trigger, whether for Pau Gasol or Kobe Bryant for the sake of the “young core” and as much as I agree with that, it is time to make changes.

Phil Jackson let slip the other night after his Lakers handed the Bulls yet another disappointing loss that a trade for Kobe is still a possibility. Paxson should have been on the phone 30 second later.

The young core is not getting it done right now and they need a reality check. I understand not gutting the team but I feel like they are not even playing their best players right now.

In their two most impressive wins of the season, both over the Detroit Pistons, the Bulls top players were Andres Nocioni and Ty Thomas. But it seemed, of late, that these players had landed in Skiles ever growing, Michael Vick-ess, dog house.

We will have to wait and see if this change can turn around the season or if it is already time to pack it in. But one thing is for certain: this is a good start, but if the Bulls want to win the changes cannot stop here.

Categories: The Windy City Word
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now you are a hockey player

24 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Last week Sid the Kid dropped the gloves for the first time in his career.  We, at the Looper, want to congratulate the kid on growing up and becoming a real hockey player because being the youngest captain ever and possibly the best offensive player ever just weren’t enough for us.  

Categories: The Windy City Word

Hail to the Champions

24 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

The final 16 of the Champions League was announced on Saturday and what a doozy it’s going to be.

Immediately the matchups of Milan versus the Premiership jump off the page, with defending champions AC taking on current English leaders Arsenal and Serie A leader Inter welcoming hot and cold Liverpool.

From the beginning Liverpool looks highly overmatched against an Inter squad who currently hold a commanding 8 point lead at the top of the Italian tables.

But that is part of what the Champions League is all about. Liverpool has struggled in the Premiership, sitting in fifth well off the lead, but after a slow start in the group stage they came on to outscore their last three opponents 16-1.

Out of all the teams in the tournament, the defending runner-ups have the best chance to come out of nowhere to make a splash.

As for the “other” Milan team, AC appears to be on a steady downturn. After a loss this past weekend to Inter they now sit in 12th in Serie A and a whopping 25 points off the leaders.

But they are defending champions and should not be taken lightly. The matchup with creative, energetic Arsenal against the wily veterans of Milan should be one of the best in the round of 16.

The top two teams from La Liga, Madrid and Barça, both face interesting matchups.

After winning this past weekend’s clasico against Barcelona, Real is in a commanding position in La Liga seven points clear and in a groove that they will look to keep going after the holiday break against Italian side Roma

The Italians were one of my favorites coming into the tournament but will struggle mightily against the reigning Spanish champions who are playing sublime football right now.

Barcelona, on the other hand, are in a downward spiral that will take a genius move from Rijkaard to turn around.

And to make matters worse, they are coming up against a team in Celtic that has had their number over the past few years.

Whatever the outcome of these games, the tournament has reached the home stretch the this is when the real champions separate themselves from the rest of the field.

Full last 16 draw:

Celtic v Barcelona
Lyon v Man Utd
Schalke 04 v FC Porto
Liverpool v Inter Milan
Roma v Real Madrid
Arsenal v AC Milan
Olympiacos v Chelsea
Fenerbahce v FC Sevilla

Categories: The Windy City Word
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get some!:(week 6)

21 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

 

Shoutout to my man, Dan Cleary.

On Monday night, during an in-game interview — a truly awful format — the Detroit Red Wings’ forward tried to assess his team’s shortcomings (in the particular game) as well as coach Mike Babcock’s efforts to turn them around in between periods.

Cleary, however, did little to provide intelligent analysis or strategy.

Instead, he gave viewers — and now readers — one of the most hilarious and priceless quotes to date (get some!).

“We were flat, they came in, out-worked us, out-chanced us, and we got a bit of a tongue-licking in between the periods.”

Uhh…what?!

I’m no Chomsky, but I’m pretty sure good ol’ Danny boy meant tongue-lashing.

Then again, you can never bee too sure of a guy who’s notorious for quoting both Google and Wikipedia.

Yikes.

Categories: Uncategorized

a shoutout from our folks at the washington post

18 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

For a shoutout to your favorite blog, courtesy of the Washington Post’s Cindy Boren and Michael Wilbon:

CLICK HERE and select Dec. 18.

Many thanks to Cindy, Mike and a jet-setting Tony. Prost!

[Editor's note: the UVM PTI drinking game is currently in its development phase, please look to The Looper in the future for the full guide.]

Categories: Notes from the Caddyshack
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Most $$$ (12.18.07)

18 December, 2007 · 1 Comment

The Looper’s Most $$$ player of the week:

Cindy Boren (Sports Editor, The Washington Post) and “Talking Points”

Honorable mention this week:

  • Tony Kornheiser, Michael Wilbon of Washington Post, PTI and now “Talking Points” fame
  • Tiger Woods
  • Torrey Mitchell (F, San Jose Sharks)

Holding true to a week-old resolution our girl, Cindy B, is this week’s Most $$$. Adding a new wrinkle to a successful idea, she now moderates a daily discussion between Post columnists Kornheiser and Wilbon. We at The Looper lovingly champion the PTI program (ESPN, Monday-Friday, 5:30 p.m.) but truly enjoy Talking Points for its more off-the-cuff, personal format –– not to mention the always laughable fashion banter.

Is that a new shirt, Cindy?

We may not have been the first to officially grant our love to Talking Points, but we’ve been watching from the first. And we’ve loved it from the first. It might be said that The Looper and The Windy City Word’s tour of The Post were part of the inspiration for this blog (see picture above).

So, rather than our boyz Tony and Mike, Tiger’s blowout return or fellow-Catamount Mitchell’s gaudy shorthanded goal two nights ago, Most $$$ this week goes to Cindy B. First, person of the day, now Most $$$, and, most importantly, the boss. So $$$.

Thanks, Cindy!

Categories: Notes from the Caddyshack
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Rodriguez follows the riches

16 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

When it was announced today that Rich Rodriguez is leaving West Virginia and the Big East for Michigan and the flatlands of the Big Ten, I felt like the move was not right for either party.

I am most worried about how Rodriguez’s run and gun offense, predicated on speed and athleticism, will work at Michigan.

For the past 20 years the Michigan offense has predicated its success on the classic Big Ten pounding style of football.

With Ryan Mallet, a pure, pocket passer, and bruising, downhill running backs like Kevin Grady set to take over next season it will be interesting to see what Rodriguez does.

Part of me would love to see the option style, Steve Slaton and Pat White game, that I love so much brought to the Big Ten, but tradition is something that is a top priority at Michigan.

Lets wait and see but I would not be surprised if Rodriquez’s decision to take the big bucks and move to Michigan does not pan out for either side.

Rodriguez is carrying the hopes of a football nation on his shoulders and without any true ties to the maize and blue, Michigan will not accept even the slightest failure.

Categories: The Windy City Word
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a short on the report

14 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Like a kid awaiting the glory of Christmas morning, I anxiously awaited the release of the Mitchell Report.

Upon the report’s release, though, I soon realized that I would be let down — like that same kid when he discovered that Santa Claus didn’t exist.

As I frantically searched the entirety of the 409 page document that would unveil around 80 past and present baseball players linked to steroids, nothing really caught me by surprise.

Of course there were the big names like Bonds, Clemens, Pettite, and Tejada; names which have been previously mentioned or speculated about, but there was nothing that made me jump out of my seat gasping for air. There wasn’t one name that made me think, “Wow, even this guy did it?”, confused by the words I had just read.

Instead, the Mitchell Report just confirmed the names that had already been brought into question, as well as some names that I had never even heard of — minor leaguers/ small guys — or cared to hear of for that matter.

To some extent, though, the fact that the report failed to list a majority of big, never-before-mentioned names was somewhat unfortunate for me, but ultimately good for the game of baseball and the little bit of integrity that remains.

If there was anything surprising about the release of Thursday’s report, it would have to be the fact that Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Jason Grimsley used flowered checks to buy his steroids.

There’s just something about the tandem of flowered checks and steroids that fails to scream “manly”.

Don’t believe me?

Check pages 383-385 of the report.

Categories: Being Nick Licare
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more on vick … a $63,000,000,000 billion dollar’ lawsuit for alleged Al Qaeda ties

13 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Check out this article, a lawsuit filed against Michael Vick by an inmate in South Carolina. Not only is it ridiculously hilarious, but it’s also true.

If you thought the article itself was nutty enough, click here to read the actual hand-written complaint. It’s even wackier!

Words of wisdom: Read The Looper

Categories: Great Articles I Didn't Write
Tagged:

get some!: (week 5)

13 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Shoutout to Michael Vick.

Not to be confused with “my man, Michael Vick.”

This week it was announced that the Atlanta Falcons star quarterback would spend the next 23 months in prison as a result of his role in a dogfighting organization.

Bad Vick.

For the next 2 years, while the Falcons struggle miserably, Vick will do the same, essentially living the next chapter of his life like a dog — a life without freedom or choice — but instead, one with commands and limitations (get some!).

Listed below are several striking parallels between the life of a dog and that of Michael Vick’s in prison:

1) When he is asked to speak, he will speak.

2) When he is asked to sit, he will sit.

3) When he is hungry, he will wait until fed.

4) When he wants to go out, he will wait until let out.

5) When he does something bad, he will be punished for it.

6) When another dog attacks, he will try to defend himself.

It’s really a shame that this article had to be written, but it’s even more of a shame that such a gifted athlete had to ruin his image by committing such senseless acts.

And although we cannot be sure what will happen to Vick after his sentence, this list, along with our imagination, can give us a pretty good idea of what will happen during his sentence.

Get some.

Categories: Being Nick Licare
Tagged:

No balance? No problem

12 December, 2007 · Leave a Comment

I’m sorry, but I’m not at all being biased to our site when I say I LOVE this line: Newsflash: Steelers, No.1 Defense Buy the Run Against Pass-Heavy Pats!”

I love it because it is so funny. And it is so funny because it is so true –– the Steelers biting on the fake half of a Patriots play-action pass in a game where the Patriots ran the ball 9 times, one of which I think was a Tom Brady scramble. Normally you have to try to establish a running game to employ successful run fakes. Later in the game, the passing game just seemed to toy with the Steelers defense [see video below].

I even think that I can hear Pittsburgh safety Anthony Smith choking on his words while the video is rolling.

Maybe there’s some advanced psychological theorem at work here (I’d never know because I’ve never taken a psychology class) concerned with some Law of Diminishing Averages Yields Increasing Anticipation. I don’t know. But what I do know is this: the Patriots do not run the ball with any dedication –– they do not have to –– and they are incredibly successful regardless.

It’s incredible. The Patriots run their offense with an unabashed disregard for a semblance of balanced play-calling that it’s hard to comprehend how they reached their lonely strata of success.

After injuries riddled their corps of runners in the first half of the season, the one constant was Brady and his pass-catchers. Over the course of the season, though, it’s evolved into a pass first, pass second and probably pass third mentality.

They know what they’re going to do, the fans know what they’re going to do and, most importantly, opposing defenses know what they’re going to do. They are going to pass the ball whether anyone likes it or not.

The kicker? It works without fail. The Steelers defense is proof enough –– New England threw for 399 yards and ran for 22.

I’ve never seen an NFL team be so successful and so perfectly unbalanced. I know we’re in the Spread Age, but this is something different entirely. This isn’t Pat White and Steve Slaton running a spread-option attack or even Colt Brennan throwing to the entire state of Hawaii. This is a pro team that DOES NOT NEED TO RUN.

The thing is, no one has stopped them yet. There have been a few close calls, but the scheme continues to work. I’m quite sure even with a 12th man on defense, it would not make a difference against the New York Jets this week.

Categories: Notes from the Caddyshack
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a trip of triumph: the story of nick licare & the undefeated patriots

11 December, 2007 · 1 Comment

PRE-GAME:

Before I knew it, I was in Foxborough.

It was 10 AM on the morning of Sunday’s highly-anticipated Patriots-Steelers game, and my friends and I were an eager 6 hours early.

The parking lot to the stadium didn’t open until 12 PM, but the majority of the private lots (including ours) opened somewhat -illegally at 11 AM — private lots are typically required to open for business no earlier than 4 hours before game time unless a State Trooper says otherwise.

Must’ve been our lucky day.

With the official ‘OK’, we proceeded to the lot of our choice and immediately began assembling our tailgating attire.

6 hours, 40 responsible cans of beer, 1 bottle of Dr. McGillicuddy’s, 12 bowls of chicken chili, 6 lbs of steak, and 1 unsuccessful game of washer toss later, it was time for my friends and I to head into Gillette Stadium.

It was time for football.

gillette.jpg

Upon entering the stadium, one member of our entourage was frisked quite thoroughly, resulting in the confiscation of several nip bottles.

However, security managed to miss the flask in his jacket pocket and the two were granted admission soon after.

Great success!

We got to our “seats” in a particular Standing Room Only area, and the game began.

“Oh Great,” I thought to myself. “Rene Rancourt is singing the National Anthem. “

My conscience quickly intervened, “Guy, you’re at the Patriots game. Renee Rancourt should be the least of your problems. Plus, his mustache and fist-pump give him the confidence to do things that are cool and cavalier.”

I guess inner-Nick was right: Renee Rancourt’s mustache is sweet.

Scratch that.

There was an important football game to be played, and thinking about a mustache other than Wes Welker’s would most likely fall under the category of “Cheating on Your Team”.

Bad Nick.

Time for the first quarter.

IN-GAME (FIRST HALF):

New England won the coin toss, but that soon proved uneventful when they went three and out.

Pittsburgh, however, seemed to come out with a considerable amount of tenacity, eating up more than 8 minutes and bringing it all the way down to the New England 5-yard line, resulting in only a field goal.

Thanks in part to a great return by Chad Jackson, the Patriots again had the ball, and refused to go three and out for a second straight time. 9 plays later, Brady threw a 4-yard touchdown pass to Randy Moss. The pass was Brady’s 42nd of the season, and the reception was Moss’s 18th.

OK. It was a start.

END OF FIRST QUARTER. PITTSBURGH 3, NEW ENGLAND, 7

After an unsuccessful Steelers drive, the Patriots took over with guns a’ blazing when Tom Brady sold the play action to Laurence Maroney for a wide-open Randy Moss. The completion was good for a 63-yard touchdown, leaving the entirety of the Pittsburgh defense wondering what went wrong and exactly how Moss managed to get 5 yards behind their safeties.

Newsflash: Steelers, No.1 Defense Buy the Run Against Pass-Heavy Pats!

That should clear things up.

5 plays later, the Steelers offense came roaring back. Ben “I wear a helmet on the field, not on my motorcycle” Roethlisberger threw a beautiful 44-yard touchdown pass to Najeh Davenport after avoiding a sack, and displaying some fancy footwork.

Nearing the end of the first half, each team was forced to settle for a field goal.

I still wasn’t convinced.

END OF SECOND QUARTER. PITTSBURGH 13, NEW ENGLAND 17

HALFTIME:

With the game favoring the Patriots by a meager 4 points, I wasn’t exactly convinced that my team was playing as good as they should have been. Flashbacks of this season’s scary-close games — and ideas of what to do to the guy behind me who kept screaming “Cheese-Berger!” in obvious reference to Pittsburgh’s quarterback — frantically ran through my head.

I needed to get away for the time being.

Something inside told me to get up and go.

Naturally, I went to the bathroom.

But before making my way into the actual room, I was forced to wait in line, where I engaged in sporty conversation with a man wearing a Terry Bradshaw jersey. For some reason or another, he informed me that Tom Brady — whose jersey I was wearing — stole Bradshaw’s number 12. I laughed it off instead of telling him that his statement wasn’t particularly relevant to the game at hand. He then proceeded to bypass the lines leading to the stalls by urinating in a sink.

Good for him.

Halftime was over. Time to get back to the game.

IN-GAME (SECOND HALF):

field.jpg

The half’s most notable play came at the 10: 17 mark of the third quarter when Brady threw an errant screen pass to Randy Moss. Brady’s pass was off the mark, causing Moss to drop it for a brief second. However, Moss had the presence of mind to throw a perfect spiral back to Brady, who then found a deep Jabar Gaffney for the 56-yard flea flicker touchdown.

Unreal.

An instant eruption of 68, 756 fans — some good, some bad — soon filled the cold winter air, and the high-fives that followed soon made me forget about the weather.

After the game, Brady noted that Moss’s throw back to him was better than that of his to Moss.

With the successful completion of the Steelers-esque trickery, I was beginning to feel more and more confident about the Patriots’ chances in this game, but also, I began to truly wonder if this Patriots team would go undefeated.

The Patriots would go on to score one more touchdown in the 3rd quarter on a short pass to Mr. Mustache himself, Wes Welker.

Things were looking great.

END OF THE THIRD QUARTER. PITTSBURGH 13, NEW ENGLAND 31

Besides one more field goal — which came later in the fourth quarter — New England’s potent offense was done for the day.

The real story, however, may be the job that the defense did, especially on one particular play at the beginning of the fourth quarter.

With the game not yet out of reach for the Steelers, Roethlisberger and co. managed to make their way down to New England’s 1-yard line.

Uh-oh.

This was about to be a game, right?

Nope.

On 3rd and 1 from the 1, Roethlisberger decided to throw the ball. His pass was incomplete thanks to a great play by Rodney Harrison.

The very next play — 4th and 1 — the Steelers offense again tried unconventional means of getting into the endzone by running an end-around with Hines Ward.

Stuffed! A goal-line stand!

Again, Gillette erupted into a frenzy. And even though there was nearly 13 minutes left, Steelers fans quickly and bashfully departed en-masse to the uproarious chant of “Guaran-tee”.

pat-patriot.jpg

I guess they figured that things could only get worse if they stuck around, right?

My buddies and I, however, ended up staying for the remainder of the game. And it was well worth it.

I felt like a kid again, waiting until the very end of the game to say goodbye to all the players and fans. It was special. It was something that I’ll never forget, even if they don’t go undefeated.

As we left the stadium, U2’s “Beautiful Day” began to play, and moments later, a light rain began to fall.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not all that fond of this song, and I’m certainly not naive, but there was something very inspiring about the rain and the atmosphere that made me realize just how special Sunday night’s game really was.

Call it symbolism. Call it coincidence. Call it what you want.

As for me, well, I think I’ll just call it a day. A beautiful day, that is.

A beautiful day indeed.

PITTSBURGH 13, NEW ENGLAND, 34

Categories: Being Nick Licare
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My boy paying the bills

10 December, 2007 · 1 Comment

After a long day of ripping the Ravens for 249 yards and 4 TDs, Peyton Manning wants nothing more than to sit back, relax and share his depth of knowledge with the world.  

Categories: Uncategorized